on March 8, 2019
Also by this author: The Worst Best Man
“You may be faking the relationship, but you’re not faking the orgasms.” Downsized, broke, and dumped, 38-year-old Marley sneaks home to her childhood bedroom in the town she couldn’t wait to escape twenty years ago. Not much has changed in Culpepper. The cool kids are still cool. Now they just own car dealerships and live in McMansions next door. Oh, and the whole town is still talking about that Homecoming she ruined her senior year. Desperate for a new start, Marley accepts a temporary teaching position. Can the girl banned from all future Culpepper High Homecomings keep the losing-est girls soccer team in school history from killing each other and prevent carpal tunnel in a bunch of phone-clutching gym class students? Maybe with the help of Jake Weston, high school bad boy turned sexy good guy. When the school rumor mill sends Marley to the principal’s office to sign an ethics contract, the tattooed track coach, dog dad, and teacher of the year becomes her new fake boyfriend and alibi—for a price. The Deal: He’ll teach her how to coach if she teaches him how to be in a relationship. Who knew a fake boyfriend could deliver such real orgasms? But it’s all temporary. The guy. The job. The team. There’s too much history. Rock bottom can’t turn into a foundation for happily ever after. Can it? Warning: Story also includes a meet-puke, a bouffanted nemesis, a yard swan and donkey basketball, a teenage-orchestrated makeover, and a fake relationship that gets a little too real between the sheets.
“Sweet baby cheeses”, I freaking loveeeeeed this book! ⭐️
My dear friend Isabella made me read this book. Actually, we started a mini book club and this book was on the list for us to read together, at her suggestion. I started it first, downloading it from Kindle Unlimited library.
Average reading time 8+ hours.
The first quarter was super slow paced and I admit I got bored. I even told Isabella I might not finish the book, since it’s too long, nothing happens and the Girl is too rock bottom-ed for me.
But then, just liked magic, POOF! I started to like it and with every turn of the page I liked it more and more. 50% in, i couldn’t put it down.
I found something interesting on Lucy Score’s blog: 5 reasons to read this book.
I’m going to “borrow” them for you:
1. “This is a fake relationship that starts with a meet-puke, a girls soccer team, a rescue dog, a perfect sister, and the bad boy from high school. Oh and a high school nemesis who only got meaner with age.”
- “It’s funny”. Here are the parts that made me laugh the hardest:
“Vicky: Don’t even try to go radio silent on me. The last time Rich and I had sex, he kept his socks on. Vicky: I need to live vicariously through your swinging singlehood. Me: Fine. There was a kiss. It was nice. Vicky: *Hulk smash meme* Vicky: NICE?? JAKE WESTON LAYS ONE ON YOU AND IT WAS JUST NICE??? Me: Go tell Rich to take his socks off.”
“Me: Don’t wait up tonight! Mom: Wait up for what? Me: Me to come home. Mom: Why would I do that? You’re almost 40. Me: I’m just saying I won’t be home tonight, and you shouldn’t worry. Mom: Why won’t you be home tonight??? Did something happen??? Are you okay? Me: Mom, I just said don’t worry. Mom: TELL ME WHAT NOT TO WORRY ABOUT! Me: I’m having sex with Jake. Okay? There. You made me say it. It’s your own fault, and now we can never make eye contact again. Don’t tell Dad. Mom: Have fun at Bible study, sweetie. Me: ??? Mom: Just kidding! I’m a cool mom. Condoms are fun. Make good choices!”
- “I’m not going to call this an ugly duckling to swan story (there is an actual swan in Rock Bottom Girl), but there is a pretty great makeover. In fact, Marley’s entire character arc is an inside out makeover.” Yes, Marley will complain a lot and will make you feel sorry for her and you might get bored with all that high school drama and her wallowing in that self pity she definitely rocks, but watching her come to life, become a better version of herself, it’s a remarkable thing.
- “Jake and Marley are almost 40. Which means they’re good at sex and things like paying bills and navigating professional relationships. Sure, they’ve still got problems. Jake has never been in a committed relationship that lasted longer than a few orgasms. And Marley is still looking for her place in the world. But together, they make 38 look pretty damn good. Especially since they’re high school teachers and deal with teenagers all day.”
- This one is all mine. I loved their relationship. I loved Jake, his dog and their families. I loved how he teaches History to those brats. I loved how she figured out how to be a better Coach for all those girls. I got butterflies just imagining how Jake looked at her. I got really turned on when they started having sex.
“Baby, don’t take this the wrong way. But if you say another word or move a muscle, this is going to be really embarrassing for me and really disappointing for you.” She gave the tiniest laugh, and it almost put me over the edge. Homer. Grandma. Broccoli. Gas. Did the Steelers have a shot at the Super Bowl this year? John Quincy Adams.”
“Wow,” she said again. My lips curved. “Am I crushing you?” “You’re holding me on the surface of the planet because what we just did destroyed gravity,” she said.
So, my dear friend Isabella, you definitely missed out, but thank you so much for making me read it. 😜